Where Have I Travelled?

Up until recently my happy self has never set foot outside the amazing land that is the United States, even within the USA I haven't travelled too much. This is sad for me though because new cultures and new experiences are definitely some of my favourite things. So down below I'll show you some of the places I've been!

1. Florida (the land of my people!)
2. Virginia
3. Massachusetts
4. New York
5. Pennsylvania
6. Maryland
7. Michigan
8. Ohio
9. West Virginia
10. North Carolina
11. South Carolina
12. Tennessee
13. Arkansas
14. Georgia
15. Utah (boooo)
16. California

So those are the U.S. states I've been to, kind of pitiful that in my 21 (almost 22!!!) years I've only been to 16 states but, now I can say I've actually been to places in Europe, well only one country but that is still cool! Within Italy I have only gone to a handful of places but they are as listed...

1. Venice
2. Verona
3. The Alps
4. Milan
5. Verona
6. Modena
7. Mantova 

So clearly I haven't been to as many places in Italy as I would like to so more travel will be happening soon! This July I will be going to Sardinia during my birthday week! I am really freaking excited about that, I mean I will be in freaking Sardinia for my birthday!! So that is my very small list of places I've been but, I'm hoping within the next couple years I will be able to expand this list substantially! 

Until next time 

<3

Rachel

My Pet Peeves

This is the newest challenge in my 30 day blog challenge (to be honest I will be skipping the stupid ones). This will be all about my pet peeves, and to be quite honest I don't have many but the ones I do have so help you do not do them around me. Let us begin my friends!

1. Chewing with your mouth open. Please for the love of all that is holy chew with your mouth closed. I don't want to see your food, I don't want to hear your food and I certainly don't want to see it accidentally spill out of your mouth. Be a normal freaking human and chew like a proper person with your mouth closed, this does include gum. No one wants to hear you smacking your gum and I'm pretty sure people in Australia can  hear you. It actually physically pains me to be around it, I get a knot in my stomach and I feel the need to either punch you in the face or leave the table. Don't test me because I am violent and I will punch you. <3
2.  Talking with you mouth full. This pretty much goes along with the chewing bit, again, I don't want to see it at all. I already don't enjoy seafood so do not let me see yours. You can wait until you swallow to tell me your super fascinating story, I promise I will be patient. Like I tell Sara 'I don't speak food in mouth', I don't understand you and to be honest I don't want to. Don't repeat it to me while the food still exists in there, I'm just going to get grossed out and walk away from you.
3. One uppers. If you don't know what I mean by that let me explain. I know this person that I used to be friends with (I won't name names but if you think this is you it probably is) that always had to have the better story. For example I could say that I went sky diving and she would say something like, 'oh, that's cool but once I manned a space ship, by myself to the moon'. No. No you did not and everyone knows that just stop. Obviously that is not a story that actually happened but she would stay outrageous stories like this all the time, it used to make me so mad. Now that I'm older I have noticed that there are a lot of those people out there and I really just don't understand that, at all. P.S. I would never go skydiving because I do not have the balls to do that. 
4. Whistling. There isn't really a reason for my extreme dislike of whistling I just hate it. The shrill noise is not necessary and needs to just stop being a thing people do. That is my only thought on that haha.

Those are my pet peeves, I don't have a lot and looking at these all but one have to do with sounds your mouth makes. I just don't like mouth sounds I guess, unless it's like singing, or talking, but even then some people have really annoying voices haha. Reading back this makes me seem really....mean? I'm not I swear, don't do these things around me and I'm just like a happy unicorn!

Until next time
<3 Rachel

1.  

10 Songs I Love Right Now

MUSIC! Literally my favourite thing in the world, there is no life without music. I think I learned to love music from a very early age, there was always music going on in my house. I give my parents all the credit in my amazing taste of music. Actually, I should probably thank my sister too, I wanted so badly to be here when I was younger that I copied everything she did, including what she listened to. I now believe I have a more eclectic palette than she does but, it's all good she got me started on a fantastic path.

On my Ipod I have literally everything from Mozart to Daddy Yankee, a little bit of broadway a lot a bit of One Direction and pretty much everything in between. Narrowing it down to my current 10 favourites will be kind of hard, I will admit though the majority of my list will be British artists, so prepare yourself! Haha here we go. (Diclaimer, this is in no particular order)

1. I See Fire- Ed Sheeran

2. Sing- Ed Sheeran

3. Talk Dirty- Jason Derulo

4. About a Boy- Little Mix

5. Salute- Little Mix

6. Little Me- Little Mix

7. Better than Words- One Direction

8. Midnight Memorie- One Direction

9. Warrior- Demi Lovato

10. Really Don't Care- Demi Lovato

And as a bonus and a shameless plus I want to add in my girl Shenna's work! She is dropping her EP tonight and y'all should check it out!

Shenna's Page

So there is my list, as of right now it is defenitely full of pop songs, I do have a couple of country favourites right now but....I don't like them as much as these! Until next time!

<3 

Rachel

My Biggest Fears

This one might kill me to write, just thinking about some of these things makes me want to cry in a corner. Some things that I fear are basic human fears that I think I mentioned in my last post. Rejection, faliure, things of that nature. Then come my irrational fears.....

1. Clowns. AKA the spawns of Satan. You know, I used to be a normal kid who loved clowns. I was okay with circuses and I didn't feel the need to go into fetal position when I saw one. That all changed when I was 9 and a 'friend' of mine sat me down and forced me to was IT. Not only is that a highly inappropriate for a kid to be watching but it is also traumatizing as heck. WHERE was her mom while I was being forced into this? While I was in California before I moved to Italy I was walking down Hollywood Blvd. with my aunt and there was a street preformer lady dressed as a clown and I visibly tensed and avoided all eye contact. You know you look ridiculous and probably constipated when the clown notices and calls you out on it. 
   
2. Sharks. It's actually kind of funny because for the longest time I wanted to be a Marine Biologist. My fear of sharks started when I was a kid, probably around 4 or 5 minding my own business enjoying a family trip to Universal but then it all changed (as soon as I typed that in my head i went 'and then the fire nation attacked). My sister and mom thought it would be fun to go on the Jaws ride, me being the innocent child I was had no idea what was going on. My lovely elder sister told me it was just a niceboat ride and to sit on the left side by the rails because it was a better spot. Of course I listened and the ride took off and then BAM out of freaking nowhere a freak MASSIVE shark 'attacks' the boat right where i'm freaking sitting. Not okay, and i'm still a little bitter Marisa. 
   
3. Snakes. It's actually ironic that i'm scared of snakes since I am a self declared Slytherin, but really snakes terrify me. Give me a spider any day, I may not like them but atleast I can squish them with something. Theres is no fun story for this one, I have just always been scared of them, they aren't natural and they should just go extinct. I do have a story though where I was at my Grandparent's cabin in the mountains of Utah visiting for the summer. My Grandma was putting clothes up on the clothes line out in the yard and I thought I would go help her because clearly i'm such an amazing granddaughter ;). I went out in flip flops and started walking to the clothes line, then I felt something go over my foot....I looked down and saw a snake. A SNAKE just freaking slithered its gross self over my foot. I promptly screamed kicked off my shoes (thinking back I don't know how that helped) and ran screaming into the house. Needless to say, I didn't end up helping my Grandma haha, a lesson I learned that day though was no flip flops in the mountains. 

So thats pretty much all I am really scared of, not that unique or impressive but I hope I entertained y'all at least a little bit.

Until next time!
<3 Rachel

My Favourite Quote.

Today's blog challenge for me is a little bit hard for a couple reasons, I have a ton of quotes that I definitely relate to and like to live by and this one hits homes especially hard for me because I can relate to it, I have felt this way. I think this quote is something everyone with problems needs to see, something that anyone who has spent the night crying themselves to sleep needs to read. This quote was said by my favourite person on the planet, Demi Lovato. I have used some other quotes of hers in my other blog and in messages to my friends because she has been where I am now, she has struggled and she has made it through. One day I hope to be as strong as her and not continuously hate looking in the mirror because you know what? Nothing IS more beautiful than a smile that has struggled through tears.

Not a lot of people know this, but I guess now everyone will since I am putting it in my blog haha. Also, before I talk about this I want you to know that this is NOT me looking for sympathy, at all. That is the last thing I need, I just want people to know that they aren't alone. The emotional roller coaster started (to be fair I've had emotional problems earlier than this but, they didn't effect me as much until this time) in 2009 when my Grandpa passed away suddenly. My Grandpa and I were really close and I saw him as my rock. No matter what I did he was there for me, never judging me and loving me unconditionally. When he died it felt like a little bit of me died with him, I shut down. I was a shell of myself, I hung out with friends I still laughed at stupid jokes but I was hollow inside. Around this same time I finally told my parents a secret I had kept with me since I was little, a secret I had been scared to tell for a really long time. When I was younger and we lived in Florida I had this 'friend' who was older than me. I don't remember exactly when it started, I think I was around 5 or 6. This 'friend' had decided to start molesting me, now it wasn't just me, she did it to other kids on the street too. Once in awhile she would let her cousin join in, I felt wrong, I knew it wasn't right. When I asked her to stop or I would tell my parents she told me, 'if you tell anyone they're going to hate you, God already hates you because of this.' She also liked to tell me I was now a lesbian and that I was going to hell. For a child that is a terrifying thing to hear, luckily she moved when I was around 8 and then we moved not too long after that.

 It got to the point where I couldn't handle the repressed memories that were coming back on top of my Grandpa dying. I decided I was going to go to therapy, to talk about my problems. To talk about all the things I didn't want to talk about, the things that caused me pain, the memories I repressed from when I was younger because I didn't, nor did I want to, deal with them. I went for a little while, but like with all my past therapists, I quit, I couldn't handle it anymore. I got to a point where I could function normally and be semi happy and then it all went downhill.

The past few years have been complete and utter hell for me, without going into specifics I let someone take control over me and my thoughts on myself. That was my first mistake. NEVER I repeat, NEVER let someone control the way you feel about yourself. I let this person lead me on for a long time and when they shot me down it tore me apart, when I found out why they shot me down that sent me into a place mentally I hope to never go back to. For awhile I tried to play it off like I didn't care, I thought I was fooling everyone around me but I wasn't. Those closest to me knew I was struggling but had no idea how to help me or how depressed I really was.

I was a huge mess, crying all the time, for absolutely no reason. Getting angry at people who didn't deserve my anger. I was out of control, I knew that but I didn't know what to do, I didn't know who to go to. I couldn't even look in the mirror without being disgusted, it was like no matter how much makeup I put on or how I did my hair I could never be pretty enough. Some of my biggest fears in life are failure and being rejected, I felt that what was happening to me was me failing at being normal. Me failing at being able to function emotionally like a normal human being. My biggest fear though, was being diagnosed Bipolar. To me that was the end, if I was Bipolar then no one would love me, ever. No one would want to be with me? Who would want to be with a crazy person, someone who has emotional outbursts that she can't control? My worst fears came to life last fall, I legitimately couldn't handle myself anymore. The suicidal thoughts, the fluctuating depression, the lack of sleep and the constant meltdowns.

 I finally went to my mom and told her everything I was feeling, I finally made the decision to go see a doctor to be put on some medicine. I got put on medicine and started to feel better, the doctor never told me what the medicine was specifically for, just that it should help my mood. One night I got bored and looked the medicine up, and lo and behold I found what the medicine was used to treat, Bipolar Disorder. Queue the full blown meltdown. After I calmed down a little I went and talked to my mom about it and she really did help me realize it is not the end of the world. So many people are diagnosed with this and they still live normal lives. My mom is definitely the one holding me together, she has been there with me from the very beginning and even if I have never told her this I want her to know that it means so much. It means so much that she never gave up on me, and even if she did, she came back to help.

Now that y'all know my full story, something I don't like to tell people because I always get the usual 'i'm sorry', and things like that. I really don't want sympathy, I just want to be able to help other people. Help them know they aren't alone in the world, that they aren't the only one who is sad. There is someone who is there for you, you just need to be open to their help. I wasn't for a long time and it caused years of pain that I didn't need.  Remember that no matter what you're going through there is someone who loves you and is there for you. You aren't alone, I thought I was and it was the worst possible feeling imaginable. I hope none of you who read this feel that way, I truly don't. I'm done being deep for the night but just know this, my depression, even with my medicine is a constant struggle for me but the struggle is better than the alternative.

Again, I want to thank my mom for being there for me even when I was a raging psycho. Even when I screamed at her for no reason, broke down for no reason and just treated her horrible. I love you mom!

<3
Rachel

20 Facts about moi

So because I think it will be fun I'm going to day the 30 day blog challenge! I will probably have other updates about life in Italy as well when something interesting happens but in the meantime, blog challenge it is! To start off, the first challenge is to list 10 facts about me, so here we go!




1. My hair hasn't been its natural colour since I was twelve.

 2. I have 8 siblings from 3 different families, and I'm adopted. You should be very jealous ;)

 3.I want to have an album out within the next years with all the tracks written by me.

4. Singing is my passion, not just a hobby. (insert shameless plug of my YouTube channel haha)
https://www.youtube.com/user/ItsNiceToMeetYouSir


5. I want to start Uni once I'm done in Italy. I'm just a few years late :P

6. I am attempting to learn guitar, and it is definitely helping with my song writing.

7. I get really awkward when I speak a foreign language to a native speaker. I also get an amazing terrified look on my face when Italians speak to me.

8. I love to do hair and make-up and went to Paul Mitchell the School Tysons Corner.

9. I love shopping but I absolutely HATE trying on clothes in the store.

10. One of my legs is noticeably longer than the other, which is apparently a major cause of my back pain. 

11. I seriously considered going to Culinary School but then obviously decided on Cosmetology School.

12. I have severe self esteem issues that I am working on, slowly but surely.

13. I am a huge nerd, like a massive one. ESPECIALLY when it comes to Harry Potter, challenge me in a duel. I dare you.

14. I love all things British, like it's kind of an obsession.

15. I always have at least two songs playing in my head and if not in my head I generally always have music playing. Music is life, in my opinion.

16. I tried out for American Idol and failed miserably, like it was embarrassing but I do want to try out for The Voice when I get home.

17. Demi Lovato is probably my favourite person in the world, she is so strong and we have very similar life trials and to see her push through them is definitely an inspiration for me.

18. I hate seafood, with a burning passion. The smell, the texture, the taste, everything.

19. Moving to Italy was probably the best decision I have ever made, like really.

20. My older sister and I used to hate each other, no joke. Now she is probably one of my favourite people and I look up to her so much.