Keeping Up Appearances

I've been wanting to write this post for awhile now but, for multiple reasons have put it off until now. Mostly, I just haven't had time, between work and school and church things, I seem to have zero time on my hands lately. This week though, I finally do seeing as I have the entire week off from work, which is a nice break. I want to start off by saying, what I say in this post is my own personal opinion and in no way reflects my feelings on my church, just the minority of people I have encountered in it.

Shying away from the "appearance of evil" is something I have been told my entire pre-teen to adult life. The first time I remember hearing this term was in young women's during a lesson on virtue, in the same lesson we were told, "french kissing is bad and will send you to hell, don't do it unless necessary." So, as you can imagine, I didn't really take it to heart because, that's just ridiculous, when is french kissing ever necessary? At least a couple times a year, I continued to hear the phrase "appearance of evil", it got used on me when I brought Starbucks to seminary (by the way it was hot chocolate). But, because it was a Starbucks cup people just assumed and I remember a parent telling me I should probably not bring Starbucks again because people could think the wrong thing. But hey, you know what they say about assuming things ;).

My immediate response was, "well, why should I care what anyone else thinks? I know what I'm drinking and that's my business". Then I got lectured and as I was such a lovely teenager, I just nodded my head and kept doing my own thing. Recently I have had to deal with the whole "appearance of evil" lecture again, and it just bothers me, I'm an adult, why can't I make my own decisions without people judging me? Like I said when I was a teenager, why should I care what anyone else thinks? It's my life and I know what I am doing is right or wrong, who is anyone else to judge me for it? Even if they do, why should I care? Luckily, I am secure enough with myself to say, I don't care. I don't care if little miss Molly or Peter are over there judging me for things they don't even know about. I don't care if they talk about me behind my back, it's happened my entire life so why should I care now?

We, as Christians are taught to "judge no lest ye be judged", and yet, in my church I feel like people are judged all the time. There is so much drama, all the time in the church and for me, it takes away the spirit. It makes me not want to go because I know, if I'm not following every little rule to a 'T' I will be looked down on. For a long time that was a major factor in me not going to church, which luckily I have decided is ridiculous. Why let a few judgmental people, effect my eternal progression? The church is true, the people aren't. That's my mantra when it comes to church, because while there are many that are great, amazing, inspiring people, there are just as many people who make me want to scream and kick puppies.

I just wish that people would get over themselves and learn that not everyone is a "perfect person". In fact, they aren't even perfect people. I just wish we would get rid of the term "appearance of evil" because it just really annoys me. I don't know if I made much sense with this post but my main point is this, stop being judgmental. Just stop it. It's easy, just get over yourself and your pride, humble yourselves and start realizing there is more than just your point of view. I know that not everyone will agree with me but, I know there are a lot that will, as well. On that note, though, I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and get to spend it with your families!




 

Playing Catch Up

Well, it has been a very long time since I last wrote on this blog and a lot has changed in my life. The biggest thing being I am back state side and no longer living with the most amazing Italian family anyone could ask for. When I left, I was ready to go, to come back to real life but then real life went down hill really fast and, I found myself ready to go back to Italy and the comfort of a virtually stress free life.

On top of Vesuvius

I got back home in February after an amazing two weeks with my Mom and Sister Price, going around Italy and Paris! My favourite part of that trip was probably being in Pompeii and hiking to the top of Vesuvius. It was seriously amazing, I hope I can go back sometime soon and just explore Pompeii for days, it is way bigger than I thought it would be! We met some amazing HIG's (Hot Italian Guys) and an even more attractive French man on the metro. I fell in love with Paris and want to go back, badly. That is something I find amusing because I have never had the want to go to Paris, but after going, I can definitely say I need to go back.

In Florida

In TN

So, like I said, I came home in February and I spent a week and some change at home before I was off again. This time I went to Tennessee to spend time with my awesome Birth Mother, Laurie. I had fun catching up with her and my siblings, and then subsequently catching the plague, which I then took to Florida with me where I went to visit my Birth Dad, Matt and see all my siblings there. I looked legitimately like I was about to keel over at any second, people kept looking at me funny when I was on the bus blowing my nose every five seconds.

At Grandpa's Funeral

From there I went back home and was starting to look for jobs when we got a call saying my Grandpa Kelley had had a bad stroke. We then scrambled to get down to Florida as fast as we could so we could see him one more time, before he passed and be with my Grandma. My family left the day after we buried my Grandpa and I stayed to help my Grandma get some stuff together and so that she would have some company. Now, while we were down there my Dad had gotten pretty sick so they drove straight from Florida to the doctor's where they then admitted him to the hospital. The day after they got home I got a call from my Dad, one I hope to never EVER have to hear again. He was calling to tell me goodbye because he had contracted this bacteria called Necrotizing Faciitis, and they didn't think he was going to make it through the surgeries. Now, anyone who knows me well knows I handle death very poorly, so I was already a bit emotional from my Grandpa's passing and then my Dad calls me telling me goodbye? I knew life could be cruel but that was just too much for me, way too much. My stake and family ended up fasting for my Dad in between the two surgeries and as most of you know, he is now doing amazingly well. So he went from basically being told he was a goner to now coming out of the hospital to be back home next week! In the past I have always had a hard time fasting, but after this miracle I haven't had problems with it, I don't whine anymore because fasting can truly help. My testimony of fasting and prayer has grown tenfold in the past few months with this whole situation with my Dad. Sadly though, while my Dad was still in the hospital, his mother, my Grandma Kelley also passed away from basically a broken heart. This was less sad for me because I know how much she missed my Grandpa, her eternal companion and I know that they now get to be together again, and nothing could be more comforting for me.

With my Daddy <3

On a less heavy note, I finally got a job! I am now a nanny to 5 little hyper kids, these kids are honestly so great. For anyone who has been a nanny or has babysat, you know that kids can be insane and make you want to curl up in a ball and cry. It honestly can be the best birth control in the world! These kids though, they are hyper and loud but they are amazing kids, I don't dread getting up every morning to go watch them and that makes me so happy!

My 2015 is finally looking up and I am excited for what the rest of the year will bring! I am excited to see my friend Brenda this New Years, she will be coming from Germany to visit her Grandma, and then we will meet in NYC to spend new years eve there in Time's Square which is something I have ALWAYS wanted to do! She will then come back to DC with me for a few days which will also be absolutely amazing!

I have become much more self aware this year, and am trying to fix my flaws and change for the better. Yes, I can be pessimistic, yes I can be dramatic but you know what? I'm working on that and I'm excited to see what I will be like this time next year! Life has a good way of whacking me in the face with frying pans but, here's to hoping the last 4 months of 2015 will be happy, healthy and full of opportunities.

Christmas, Christmas, CHRISTMAS

This Christmas was a bit of a bittersweet one, one the one hand, I am in Italy spending it with my amazing Italian family. On the other hand, this was my first Christmas away from home and I got a bit homesick. My family has this tradition where we go to my Grandma's with my Aunt and Uncle and cousins and I missed that, a lot.

My Italian family also includes extended family in their festivities but, it wasn't my family so I was still a bit sad. I am going to take this time to explain the differences in the Italian Christmas to my American one! Firstly, here in Italy they open all the presents on Christmas Eve, this was pretty cool. We also had a dinner with My host dad's parents and my host mom's brother and sister-in-law, which excluded meat because apparently Catholics don't eat meat on Christmas Eve. That legitimately blew my mind, and I still can't really fully comprehend. Lilja googled the reason why they don't and I still don't get it. It is my firm belief that Jesus would want me to enjoy myself on the eve of his birth and, to enjoy myself I need Tashia's chicken salad and some Ham.

After we opened all of the presents we got ready and went to Midnight Mass, which I feel would have been cooler if I could have understood everything that was being said haha. Then, when Christmas morning came around (I say morning but I woke up at noon) and we went to Lunch with Ugo's extended family. That was...interesting. The place we went had horrific service, everyone got food at different times and it wasn't even that good, the dolce was on point though so, props for that. I only cried a little bit on Christmas Eve because I was homesick but as a whole, I kept it together! Yay me!

Now, let me tell y'all a bit about my 'murican traditions! Back in good ole Northern Virginia lives my family, my Grandma and my mom's Brother Jason and his lovely wife Tashia and all their super adorably amazing children! On Christmas Eve we all head over to my Grandma's and the fun commences! First we usually hang out for a bit eating Tashia's delicious chicken salad, which has me drooling right now just thinking about it, and other food that has been made. Then we get corralled by my Grandma into the living room where we usually all read one Christmas story each. From there my Uncle Jason reads from the Bible and Savannah and I usually tear up a bit because we think of my Grandpa who used to read it. After that we usually open one present each, from the cousins, then we head over to the music room and sing songs for the rest of the night until we all leave for our respective homes! This tradition is simple but is something very close to my heart. Christmas morning at my house can be a bit chaotic, especially when we are trying to drag my parents out of bed so we can start opening presents! In our family stockings are a big thing, we always open them first, youngest to oldest. Then we start with the presents and do the same order as the stockings, it is usually nice and loud and full of thank yous hugs and laughing. I missed that this year but, since I won't be in another country next year, I will be able to partake!

This year has been an amazing one full of adventures and opportunities and I couldn't be more thankful. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be able to live in a foreign country, or learn a bit of said country's language. I have been able to go places I never thought I would go and meet people that I know will be friends for life. I am excited because in less than a month my mom will be here and she will get to share in my adventure. After that I will be home and starting a whole different kind of adventure, university, with my best friend, I am also excited to be close to my older sister and her husband and get to know them better. I think 2015 has a lot of potential and I am very interested in seeing where it leads. I hope y'all had a very Merry Christmas and I hope you have an amazing New  Year!

Love Y'all!

Rachel

World Traveler

Mantova

The one thing I have been super super SUPER excited about for the last 6 or so months is, my mom coming in January. Yes, you read that correctly, my mama and her best friend Sister Price will be joining me in Europe for two weeks! It is getting closer and closer to that time and I am really freaking excited, so excited in fact, I created an itinerary and a spreadsheet of all the estimated costs. We will be starting in Roma, then heading over to Pompeii and Napoli! From there we will head to Firenze and Pisa and then go back to the Mantova area (where I live), there we will spend the day with my host mom as she shows us around. From there we will head to Verona and Venezia and then finally Milano! Then, the part I think my mom is most excited for, we will get on a train and head to Paris!

Milan

The Italian places I am not that nervous about because I have a decent knowledge of the language and can communicate, France on the other hand, not so much. Once in choir we were singing some french song and Ms. B always had us attempt to sing with the accent to the corresponding language, well, I failed miserably at French. This girl leaned over to me, and so kindly pointed out that I sounded like I was from Iraq haha. That experience has kind of scarred me when it comes to speaking French, so, I told my mom she has to brush up on her's.

Venice

 I don't know where this post is going other than I am really excited to be able to see my mom after a year. Not only just see her but be able to travel around Italy and France with her, bonding time with my mom and one of the coolest women on the planet! I am excited to see Southern Italy, something I have yet to do, the most southern I have been is Firenze (Florence). So in about a month I will be able to hug my mom again and in about a month and a couple weeks, I will be able to see all of the beautiful faces that are still in VA and attack my siblings with lots of loving. Most importantly though, I will be able to hug my daddy again, and probably cry because I really freaking miss him. A few months after that I will get to see all of you lovely people in Utah :), something that I am pretty excited for, also! I look forward to being able to spend time with my older sister and her husband, and of course with my best friend Sara.

Until Next Time!

<3

Rachel

My family <3

My "Come to Jesus" Moment

Now, as the majority of you who read this have known me all of my life, you know I have been raised LDS, my entire life that is all I have known. I have always been at least partially religious and I have always had a testimony of Jesus Christ, my issue was I never really showed it, I didn't act like a member, and I didn't really care. When people asked me what religion I was, I would answer, "well, I was raised Mormon, but....". I never wanted to be labeled as Mormon, and it isn't for the reasons you are probably thinking. It wasn't because I was ashamed of being Mormon, it was because I knew my actions were not going to reflect well onto the church. I didn't want people see me acting like a fool, and assume that was the way people in the church acted, but at the same time, I was too prideful to stop my actions.

While here in Italy, I haven't exactly acted in the most...righteous manner, and again, I didn't care all that much. I went to church for maybe a month when I first got here and then decided it was way too much work. Between the getting up at horrible hours in the morning, walking to the train station, catching a train that might not even show up, then taking a bus to the church building, it was just too much, I was lazy. It wasn't because I didn't believe, it was because I was lazy. I always have been when it comes to church, if it took and ounce of effort, I couldn't be bothered. In October though, with some divine intervention in the form of two missionaries, I have seen the light.

I went months, like, 6 months without going to church and no one from the branch here bothered me, the missionaries left me alone. In my skewed thinking I saw this as, "see they don't need me and I don't need them", oh how wrong I was. I didn't realize how much I needed them until I went back, begrudgingly at first, but now I am genuinely happy to go, no matter how tired I am. My first Sunday there was a bit weird, I had vanished off the face of the planet for 6 months after these wonderful people had been nothing but nice to me. It was also weird because, while my Italian is better than when I was first here, it still isn't the best. It is nice to have other English speakers in the branch now, though. I don't feel as incompetent because they need translation too haha.

The most amazing Missionaries Anziano Bowman, and Anziano Tymczuk

Now, when I said "divine intervention", I really meant it. A couple of days before I got a call from the mishies, I had been talking to my wonderful mommy. We were talking about church stuff and I told her that I was just kind of done right now, that I was going to do my own thing for awhile and see where that took me. No joke, not even two days later, I am trapped in Mantova (because the trains hate me) and I get a call from the missionaries asking if they could come see me that day. Now, they live in Mantova so, I was like, "well, I'm trapped at the station so, I'm all yours". They came right over and I ended up talking to them for about 45 minutes. They knew nothing about me, I don't think they even knew I was American until I picked up the phone and they quickly realized I didn't speak Italian. Then, because I'm pretty sure they saw my tattoo, they asked "how long I had been a member", cue the awkward pause from me, then spitting out "uhmmm all my life" *embarrassed face*. This encounter led them to coming over every Thursday and inviting me to church, which I would always avoid a definitive answer to. I ended up just sucking it up one morning and went, and I have never been more happy to wake up freakishly early. These awesome missionaries also send me a scripture every night, that always seem to being insanely applicable, like, they should start writing horoscopes ;). They used to make me feel so guilty, but over the past few months as I have been changing my actions and endeavouring to be right in the eyes of the Lord, I no longer feel guilty. The scripture topics have changed recently too, and yet, they always seem to be exactly what I need to hear.

Back a few months ago I wrote a post on marriage, which was inspired by the mass amounts of marriages and engagements on my Facebook timeline. I am now removing the foot from my mouth and admitting, I wasn't exactly correct. In this post I said, "Another thing about my views on marriage that are different from what I was taught at church my entire life is this, I don't care what religion he is. If I love him and he loves me why should it matter? I will say that I am jaded when it comes to LDS guys, I have never had a good experience with then and my worst experience was with a 'good LDS boy' who turned out to be the world's biggest tool. I know for some of y'all reading this that this will be controversial but I just can't make myself care. I just want to be happy and what if the guy who will do that for me isn't LDS? I should immediately brush him off because he isn't? That just sounds very illogical to me, I want to be happy and so I will be with the person that makes me the happiest." Those are no longer my thoughts, while I do believe you should marry someone you love, I now know, and feel that I will be happiest with a temple marriage. An eternal marriage to someone I love, a marriage that won't end when I die. Just thinking about the possibility of not being with my loved ones throughout the eternities terrifies me. Not just my future companion, but also my parents and siblings, the thought of it just makes me so sad. Which also makes me want to repent because heaven knows they are better behaved so if I want to be in the same kingdom, I need to whip myself into shape ;).

Anyways, I really just wanted to tell anyone who wants to listen that I am a new Rachel. I want to fix everything in my life and be obedient. I now have goals, the biggest one is to be temple worthy, that will take some work but I am willing and wanting to do that work. The other goals are ones I have already set in motion, like, reading the Book of Mormon for the first time all the way through. The other is praying, I have always had a hard time praying because I felt like I didn't deserve it. I felt like, why would God want to listen to me, someone who has figuratively spat in his face on multiple occasions? Why? I said this in passing to my mom once and she about smacked me through the phone, she then said something along the lines of, "that's when you should pray the most, is when you don't feel worth". I mentioned the story to Anziano Tymczuk once and he basically said the same thing, I just didn't feel that he was about to hit me, like with my mom :P. 

That is really all I wanted to say, I am glad to have gotten that all off my chest. If you made it this far, thanks for reading! A new Rachel will be coming home from Italy in Februray so prepare yourselves ;).

 

Update on my Life

So first of all, I know it has been longer than forever since my last post but there is a good reason, kind of. I haven't really been doing anything...at all. My life lately has revolved around church related things and hanging out with missionaries, if that doesn't tell you something about how boring my life has become, let me tell you. Usually I go out, party a bit, hang with friends BUT since all my friends decided to leave me, I'm alone. Going out by myself is never fun but here it definitely isn't fun, especially when even when I'm out with people I get harassed and sexually assaulted by gross European men. Now, I though American guys were tools but they look like perfect gentlemen compare to European men.

Now on to the church topic, I have a love hate relationship with church. A very strong one. While I generally do like the feeling of happiness I do get when going, I also have a strong urge that is ingrained into me to be rebellious. I don't like following rules and I like to do my own thing but, as I have realized in the past, that never really works out for me. Ever. It is like when everyone else got the full free agency thing, I only got partial agency. It seems like no matter what I do, or how rebellious I get there is either something in the way of fulfilling said act or ,something goes terribly wrong after I do things I'm not supposed to.With the help of some of the coolest missionaries ever, I have finally come to the decision there is no use fighting anymore, because in the end I'm only hurting myself. Plus I have a ridiculously intense Patriarchal blessing to fulfill ;).

 Speaking of cool missionaries, one of them I am convinced is my twin. We are 99% the same person, the main difference is our genders, it is kind of creepy if I'm being totally honest. It is also somehow satisfying haha.

Slightly church related (mostly because this is the lesson we had on Sunday), Family History! My birth mom has been on a kick recently and it inspired me to want to do more, specifically on my birth dad's side. I was talking to my mom about it and she told me some really cool news, if you are a member of the church you get a free account on ancestry.com! All you need is a family search account that you can link up to it, and if you already have an LDS account then you have a family search account! If not, it is super easy, all you need is your record number! :) So, while doing all this family history stuff I have traced my birth dad's paternal line to the 1600's and everyone was from Norway, like an insane amount of Norwegians in my family! So basically I really am Anna from 'Frozen' ;P.

What else, hmmm well, I only have roughly 2 months left here! It's kind of insane to think that I have been here for 10 months! While I do love it here, I am starting to feel the itch to be back state side. I am mostly ready to start being a full fledged adult and starting at Weber with my best friend! I am also excited for what this next year will have for me, I feel like good things will be coming my way!

 So basically, that's really it, not a lot going on. Mostly me being cold and miserable. Mostly miserable because I despise being cold. So it is just a vicious cycle, really. Anyways, I'll try to be more up to date on these blog posts!

Until next time

<3

Rachel

Why Music is Important for Everyone.

Music is something I have always had in my life, something I have always valued above a lot of things. Without music I don't know what I would do with myself, whether it be singing, attempting to play the guitar, playing the violin or simply just listening to it, I always have music around me. Like right now, writing this post, I am listening to Sam Smith and wondering how someone can have such a perfect voice. My mom always wondered how I could sit there and listen to music while doing homework when honestly, it helped me. When I would go to school the next day for a test, I could sing the song in my head and it would trigger whatever it was I had studied. Or put what I needed to remember to song, to this day the only Scripture Mastery I remember are the two we put to song.

There have been many studies on music and its relation to brain function. In one I was reading earlier, it says that, "In one study, researchers found that musical training at a young age may strengthen the brain, especially regions that influence language skills and executive function."* I personally think that is very very true. My family is very musical and I've had music around me since birth, my mom plays the piano and so does my older sister, my dad listens to really good music (I credit him for my love of classic rock). Consequently my older sister and I seem to have an easier time with learning other languages. Even though my grades in Spanish II and III were less than stellar (I blame that on an incompetent teacher who hated me and was later fired for unsavoury things) I retained a lot. I was able to conjugate quite easily when others were struggling with it. It also helped in choir, my teacher liked to have us sing in MANY different languages some really weird (Estonian) but I always found it not really that hard to pick up the sounds or words. Don't get me wrong though, it doesn't only help with languages, it is also proven that it helps with focus and memory function. It heightens it and makes it easier for the person.

This makes me wonder why music education in school isn't more important to school boards. When there are budget cuts, music is always the first to go which is so sad to me. It was either my senior year or the year after I left the Orchestra program got cut down in size and instead of three orchestra classes, freshman, advanced and concort, there was only advanced and concert. Meaning all the freshman went in with the advanced kids. When I was a senior I was taking Music Theory I but, for reason I can only assume were money problems, they decided to make Music Theory I and II one class. That was rough for both classes because the II kids were bored and the I kids were very very lost with rushed teaching. Nothing against the teacher though because he was a very cool guy and tried his best to accommodate all of us.

Music in schools is also how I got through some of the hardest periods of my life. One of my worst years in my short 22 year history happened when I was in high school, I was 17 and my grandfather died. Now, I'm sure I have mentioned before how close I was to him, he always support me in all things but especially music. He went to every single concert or play I was ever apart of, even the severely painful ones (Once on This Island as preformed by Graham Park Middle School). He always encouraged me to continue on with music and with singing and that will forever stick with me. He died on a Saturday and that next week I had 8 performances with the choir I was in, I only made it to I think 3. With that, I would like to say thank you to Ms. B who understood and didn't penalize me for not going to these performances. After he died I found it really hard to sing but, some of my biggest support getting me through this time was my fellow choir students. I hadn't really realized till then how much I cared about my fellow choir member or needed like minded people until I was in crisis mode. Having that support system is important and I would encourage any of y'all with kids or even people still in school, find something like this. You never know when something hard is going to come up and when you are surrounded by friends, it helps a lot.

Whether I am happy or sad I always know I will have one thing in my life to keep me going, music. Whether it be Mozart, eminem, one direction (usually it's One direction), or Miranda Lambert, I know I will always have music that speaks to me and knows exactly how I'm feeling. Knowing these songs exist, the ones that describe my life perfectly, help me know I'm not the only one going through the problems. That is actually a lot more helpful than you would think. I have a friend who once told me, I don't understand why music is important, it's just a bunch of  noise. Now, although he sounds like an 80 year old man, he is my age and he completely baffled me. Maybe because I was brought up around music and 99% of my friends are musical I had a skewed view of the world. I did not know people like him existed, people who couldn't see the beauty of music at all. Those people need to be fixed and shown the light haha.

Anyways, I will step of my musical soap box in a second, just let me say one more thing. Music is healing and should be in every one's lives. Music has been from the beginning of time and whether or not you enjoy the music of today or not, you should still keep it in your lives.

Until next time

<3

Rachel

*http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/814540